Domestic Violence Awareness Month!

TW: domestic violence, rape, mental abuse, emotional abuse

Hey Besties! My name is Linlee, and I am currently a senior Communications major. I’m excited to be here to start writing blog posts for you guys and to share a little bit of who I am with you.

It’s October now, and you know what that means! It’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and to kick it off, I have a little story time for you guys.

Freshman year of college, I dated this guy. Being the naive freshman girl that I was, I thought he was everything to me. I could see years and years of my life becoming dedicated to him and, like most freshman girls, I could see the rest of my college experience being defined by how great he was. For our first date, he got me my favorite flowers (red carnations) and took me on a scavenger hunt all around the campus of our school highlighting the most important places to the formation of our relationship. Things worked out great for a while. I thought I had found the love of my life, and that nothing could get any better. While only looking towards the positives, I forgot to look out for the negatives. What I missed in this relationship were all the little red flags that were just warning signs for what was to come. I spent all of my time with him and lost all of my best friends along the way, which should have been the first red flag. He never liked my friends, and he always talked about how much he hated them and how I shouldn’t be around them. Two of my best friends were also friends with him, but he would constantly compare me to them. Things such as “Oh, Jane* looked prettier than you today” or “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with Jane* instead of you” which created a rift between my two best friends and me. Whenever I was upset, he actively would turn the conversation onto how he had it worse and how I should not be complaining. We were sexually active at the time, but there were nights that I simply did not want to. These refusals were always met with “Well why don’t you just lay there and I’ll do all the work” or “Please, I’ll try to be really quick” or other coercive phrases. He would beg me to give him oral sex, and if I said no, I was always punished for it: he wouldn’t stay over at all, the silent treatment, or overall pouting and guilt trips. I always thought that this was an appropriate reaction and that I was in the wrong for not doing what I could to make him happy, how he always made me. I felt like I was giving less to the relationship than he was. Then came the fighting. It started off playful. Sometimes we would wrestle or have tickle fights. I thought it was so cute and #couplegoals, but as our relationship progressed, I would start noticing bruises. There would be times when he would tickle me or try to wrestle and I would say no, just to be met with a swift fist to the back or the side. The words “No” and “Stop” didn’t exist in his vocabulary. I would say I didn’t want to wrestle or have a tickle fight, and I would continue to get punched or flipped or carried. At this point in our relationship, a lot of it gets blurry or has become blocked out at this point. I remember showing off my bruises at the time thinking it was a cool flex, but in retrospect, I have no idea what I was trying to flex. I realize now that it was

probably me trying to send out warning signs to the people I trusted. My body knew none of this should have been happening before my mind did.

When we broke up, he took my two best friends with him. He told them his side of the story along with some embellishments, painting me as the villain in my own story. We had a pretty messy breakup that left a lot of loose ends between each other and within myself. I had never felt so alone. I knew college was supposed to be a learning curve and a personal growth journey of its own, but I never could have imagined it would have ever been the way it was.

The purpose of this story is to share why domestic violence awareness is so important to me. This relationship I had was one of the biggest reasons I wanted to join Alpha Chi Omega. I’m in a much better place now with someone who loves and cares for me very much. It took me a long time to realize what was abusive in my past relationship, and it has come to define the early years of my college experience. What should have been one of the best years of my life, making memories and learning who I am as a young adult, was actually a year of me putting concealer on bruises and learning how to compare myself to my best friends. Domestic violence is a topic that is near and dear to my heart because it is something no one, regardless of age, gender, race, or sexual orientation, should ever have to go through. It is something that changes how you view yourself and how you view the world. I am lucky enough now to have someone that is patient with me and allows me to take my time until I feel comfortable. I am lucky enough now to have a sisterhood behind me who supports my present, my past, and my future and who is always looking out for me and my wellbeing. But this isn’t something I should feel lucky for. A strong support system and a healthy relationship is not something someone should be “lucky enough” to have. With domestic violence awareness, this should be something that everyone is capable of being for each other and receiving from one another. I encourage you to keep my story and the wellbeing of those you care about in mind as you move forward this month and for the rest of your life.

* Names changed for anonymity reasons